Your Honorable Wise, and Most Hopefully Generous Judge Pallmeyer:
[A]s a member of the Class, I have carefully considered the entire situation so please don't waste your time repeating my extensive work, and then agreed to be a witness out of conviction that this was the right thing to do. I never expected any award for this as I am only concerned about others.
Only now, can you believe it, I have heard that you have awarded some money to the Class member witnesses for their efforts and, well, it's a lot so....
I am pleasantly surprised to say the least, but now please allow me to draw your attention, pardon the legalese, to my special situation:
I was travelling by CTA, because these professor salaries stink let me tell you, to my first interview at Fay Clayton's law office. I passed out and had a Fall so big that I capitalized it on the CTA station which I readily admit is the only part of this story that readers should feel compassion about.
In this I suffered considerable injuries to the right side of my face. Specifically, three teeth on my right side needed to get root canal work, in the amount of approx. $6000 and I knew I should have listened to mother and became an endodontist.
Medicare essentially covered my emergency and medical cost which is fortunate in light of my ridiculously low professor salary and pension. However, my dental work was referred to my dental insurance, which only covered $2000. These are approx, numbers, the exact amounts will be documented.
As I suffered these injuries because of my willingness to testify, I would not have had the accident if I had not gone to the law office which I am sure you will agree is a classic but-for situation. The doctors found no basic reason for this sudden fainting spell. I would appreciate it very much if the court could consider to reimburse me for my own out-of-pocket expenses of approx $4000, which are clearly the fault of the defendants in this class action.
The accident, the injuries, the expenses, all can be documented as soon as I am back in Chicago, within 10 days and if I pass out and hit my head while on the flight I would appreciate being reimbursed for that too, since if I hadn't agreed to testify I wouldn't have wrote this letter, and therefore wouldn't have left for the airport at the same time (see, e.g., A Sound of Thunder), and therefore it is also the direct fault of the defendants.
Professor of Physics, emeritus, and Professor of Confusing Cause and Effect
So I bet you're wondering, what did Judge Pallmeyer say? Well, she wrote back that "I am sorry to hear about your accident. Unfortunately, the court has no funds available to reimburse you for the expenses resulting from that accident."
You can read the letters, both dated August 10, 2007, on Acquirelaw™ at In re Motorola Sec. Litig., ND IL Acquirelaw 2022814382 (N.D. Ill. August 10th, 2007) (just type the number in the citation in any Acquirelaw search box to quickly retrieve the Order).
Nugget: The only other sentence in the Judge's response letter, and we at the Nugget, despite our jesting, wholeheartedly agree: “Best wishes for your complete recovery.”